Consequences
by meburleson
Summary: This is a post season 5 story. Auggie makes a huge mistake costing someone to lose everything. Can he live with consequences of his actions and face life afterwards? This story was inspired by obedientlittlevictor's story "Complicated". It starts out along similar lines as hers and then by Ch 2 will be different. Disclaimer: I do not own Covert Affairs or its characters.
1. Prologue

Consequences

"Prologue"

 **Author's Note: This prologue will give a bit of some background information for the story. Most of it is a summary/spin off of the first three chapters that obedientlittlevictor wrote in her story "Complicated". Mine is similar to her story, however, still different in many ways from what she wrote. But this was absolutely inspired by her awesome work in "Complicated". If you like this story, please go read hers as well. No copyright infringement is intended and I have asked received her permission to write this story.**

Auggie had told Annie he was leaving and he did. He'd left to be with Natasha Petrovna, now he was traveling the world with his ex-girlfriend-turned-current-girlfriend.

Annie was left to pick up the pieces of her life without him. She had tried to be with Ryan McQuaid, she really had. But he simply wasn't Auggie. She was always comparing Ryan to Auggie in her mind. Everything Ryan did was wrong because it wasn't Auggie doing it. But she quickly learned that no man compared to Auggie. It wasn't fair to Ryan. She just wasn't happy with him. She couldn't be. Annie and Auggie had been perfect together, but neither had seen it. They had both been wrapped up in their own ideas of perfect to see that they already had it with each other.

Annie had broken it off with McQuaid three months after Auggie left. She gave back the ring she'd promised to hold on to when she couldn't answer his proposal right away. She returned to work for the DPD under Joan. It took her a while to get back into the routine of things without Auggie there. She found it a struggle to gain Joan's complete trust again, but somehow she was back to work like it had been before the Belenko fiasco. Well, except there was no Auggie. Her best friend was off traveling the world never even bothering to call her. Eric Barber was Annie's handler when she went out on missions, but it wasn't the same.

It had been almost a year since Auggie left and no one at the agency had heard anything from him. He and Natasha had fallen off the grid a couple months after leaving. Annie, of course, thought of him frequently, but she tried to move on. She dated a few random men, but nothing ever lasted past a few dates.

Now that the agency had lost track of Auggie and Annie, Eric, and Joan were concerned about his disappearance. Even though he no longer worked for the agency, it was still important for them to know his general whereabouts. He was still a valuable asset to anyone wanting to do the agency harm and he probably still had enemies out to get him.

Suddenly, almost exactly one year after Annie and Auggie stood in her kitchen, Natasha was located. She was back in the hacking game. After a year off the game board, she was back on the FBI's watch list for hacking into the Justice of Defense's website. The FBI located her easily in Russia, tracked her movements, and pounced as soon as she came into the states. When she was arrested and being questioned, the CIA immediately got word of it. They needed answers as well. There was still no sign of Auggie. The CIA needed to know where he was.

The CIA sent agents to question Natasha. Once there she told the agents that she and Auggie had split up over two months ago and she had no idea where he was. When she left him, he was in a hotel in France. For all she knew he was still there. But she could not be bothered with remembering any of the details of what hotel they were in or even if it was for sure France she had left him in once she was questioned further. Upon finding this out, Annie automatically became suspicious of her. Natasha wasn't a spy, but it seemed odd that she couldn't remember something as easy as a hotel name or city.

Barber, Joan, and Annie immediately began searching the databases for any hits that Auggie might still be in France, but there was no evidence of a Natasha Petrovna or Auggie Anderson anywhere in all of France (or in Europe for that matter).

Deciding searching through computer databases was simply not enough for her, Annie decides to go to France herself and search for him in person. It was obvious that they used aliases throughout their travels. They were both smart and could stay hidden if they wanted to. Natasha merely couldn't stay out of the hacking game, which had been her downfall. However, Barber had looked for Auggie's signature hacks and computer codes everywhere he could think of and there was no sign of him in the cyber world.


	2. Thud

"Thud"

 **Author's Note: This first chapter is also a summary/spin off of chapters three and four that obedientlittlevictor wrote in her story "Complicated". Mine is similar to her story, however, still different from what she wrote. This chapter begins to be quite a bit different from her original story, but this was absolutely inspired by her awesome work there. If you like this story, please go read hers as well. No copyright infringement is intended and I have asked received her permission to write this story.**

Annie is glad to finally be actually doing something towards the efforts to find Auggie. For weeks she has been waiting around just hoping information will come through. Armed with the information that Auggie was last in France, she heads out in search for him.

Once in France, Annie begins staking out hotel after hotel, looking for any evidence of him. She never spends more than two days in any one city. She is staying in constant contact with Barber who is frequently checking hotel databases for any sign of Auggie. After three weeks in France, Annie is beginning to wonder if she should just give up and go home. She's already checked most of the major cities with no luck finding the handsome blind guy she asks around about. She's looked in every major city except _the_ major city.

She heads to Paris, which she thinks is the most romantic city in France but it just seems too "touristy" for Auggie this time of the year.. She decides to try it anyway. Perhaps Natasha and Auggie went there despite her impression that he wouldn't want to visit such a busy city that they had already been to together.

The three-hour train ride gave Annie nothing but time to think about Auggie. It was frustrating that he would just disappear like this. Annie found herself constantly on the fence between extreme anger and extreme depression with him. Why couldn't he just call to check on her? Tell her some of the adventures he'd been having with Natasha. But no, it seemed he wanted a clean break from her.

After arriving in Paris and checking into a local hotel, Annie finally gets the break she is waiting for. Barber has a potential sign that Auggie might be in Paris.

Just down the street from where Annie is staying herself at the Le Grand Hotel, a man in room 356 has just order two bottles of Patrón to be delivered to his room. Annie knows immediately it is him. Patrón is his favorite. It has to be him.

Annie hatches a quick plan. Already being this close to the hotel Barber indicated, she decides she can get there quick enough. She will pretend to be room service bringing the requested tequila. She decides she will just check it out, see if it's really him and leave before he even realizes she is there. The last thing she wants to do is spook him into running or something.

She arrives at the hotel just five minutes after getting off the phone with Barber, her plan is all in motion; she finds the delivery person with little effort, pays him to let her take the room service to the guest in room 356. She tells the man that she is the guest's fiancée, in town to surprise him.

Once at the door of room 356, Annie knocks.

"Come in," a rough, raspy voice says.

"Un service de chambre, monsieur," Annie says in perfect French as she opens the door with the key she had taken inconspicuously from the delivery person.

"Put it on the table," The same raspy voice slurred in her direction from a chair in the corner. As she put the bottles on the table he indicated, Annie stares in disbelief at the sight before her. She can't believe her eyes. Auggie sat in his boxers in what she could only describe as a war zone. Furniture is toppled over, curtains are off the windows, clothes are sprawled all over the room, there are several holes in the walls, and a stench that Annie thought she could identify as moldy pizza permeates from the room. It is clear to her that Auggie is not taking care of himself.

Instead of leaving, Annie goes further into the room soundlessly as Auggie gets up from where he was sitting. She carefully observes him for several minutes, not making a sound to indicate she is still there. She knows she shouldn't do this. She knows she's taking advantage of his blindness. But she also knows, at this moment, she can't stop herself.

His movements are careless, clumsy and reckless. He stumbles into the side of the bed, but just keeps walking. He hits a table, knocking the already toppled over lamp onto the floor. Annie makes note of numerous bruises in various stages of healing as well as some minor cuts and abrasions on his arms, legs, and body. As he continues stepping on whatever happens to be on the floor, it is clear to Annie that this man simply does not care anymore. It breaks her heart to see him this way.

As he approaches the table where the tequila now sits, Annie moves wordlessly toward him. Before she can stop herself, she is saying his name and reaching out to him. She puts her hand on his shoulder, but immediately regrets this action.

Before she even realizes what is happening, Auggie has his hands tightly around her throat in such a strong grip that Annie can immediately feel her oxygen supply dwindling. He pushes her against the nearby wall with such force that some of what little air is in her lungs escapes. His eyes are wild-completely unfocused as they always are, but also searching as if they could see. He turns his head around as if listening for other potential dangers. Despite how drunk he is right now, his strength is unwavering. His mind seems clear in this moment. And he seems hypersensitive to his surroundings.

Annie was not sure what to think of this. At first she just puts her hands up as if to surrender, but as this does not seem to have any effect on him she tries to push his hands away from her throat. This only causes him to tighten his grip on her and causes his eyes to focus in her direction. It is now as if he is staring right at her.

Moments pass as she tries to tell him it's her, but fails to be able to speak as his hold restricts her vocal cords. Her voice only comes out in a small moan. She kicks his leg, but he remains unaffected by any pain she might be inflicting on him.

Seconds pass as she tries to push him away, but is unable to break his focus. She's never seen this side of Auggie.

He refuses to show this attacker any pity. He's been through enough fights in his lifetime that he wasn't going to be caught by surprise- even in his extremely inebriated state.

Two minutes pass as she is getting weaker, but she still tries to fight him off. She tries to pull him close enough to get out of the hold using moves he had taught her, but his grip only tightens. She starts fighting with all the energy that she has left.

He pushes his assailant closer to the wall with a push to the gut with his elbow as he feels the person come off the ground a little as he affirms his grip. He will not be defeated. He was not trained to lose.

Several minutes pass as she begins to realize she might lose this battle, but she continues fruitlessly to use all her training to loosen his grip. She tries to duck out of the hold, but he simply moves with her, tightening his control.

Once again Auggie refuses to let go of his hold on this person. He was not going to let up until he knew they had no more fight in them. They had almost caught him by surprise with their initial contact, but not again. He's determined not stop until their body lay unconscious on the floor of this room.

After five minutes, he senses the potential attacker is not fighting anymore, but he doesn't release his clutch on the would-be assailant. He has no idea how much time has passed, but he needs to be sure he is not in any more danger. His fight or flight impulses are going overtime and he was NOT trained to run away. He will call the cops as soon as he knew they were no longer a danger to him.

After ten minutes he realizes he is the only thing holding the body up. It is lifeless in his grip. He allows the assumed attacker to drop to the floor. He's not sure if the intruder is alive at the moment and for that moment he doesn't care. Consequences be damned, all that matters to him right now is that they are not a threat to him anymore.

It was then, as the body drops to the floor with a _thud,_ that he gets a familiar whiff of Jo Malone Grapefruit.

* * *

 **Author's note: Please review and let me know what you think (be specific if you can). This is a little different from the way I usually write. I need to hear from you guys, please.**


	3. Crack

**Consequences**

"Crack"

 **Author's Note: I would like to make another shout out to the awesome obedientlittlevictor for inspiring this story when she wrote "Complicated". If you have not read it, well, what are you waiting for? You clearly like this one, since you're still reading it, you'll like hers as well, I promise. No copyright infringement intended. I have received her permission to write this story. From here on out though, the story is all my own and does not follow the same ideas that "Complicated" does. I'm a little unsure whether you guys like this so far. Reviews have been quite sparse. But without further ado I give you chapter 2.**

 _It's a coincidence,_ he thinks to himself after hearing the body hit the floor. But a fear inside him tells him he has to check. He crouches down where he stood and felt the body that now leaned against the wall.

 _No. That's not possible,_ he thinks as he feels the person's face. It feels like her features under his fingertips. The woman could be Annie. He can't be sure. He gently opens the woman's shirt and moves his hand across her neckline. To his horror, what he hoped to not find is there, slightly smoother than the last time he felt them, but there nonetheless are the scars from when Annie was shot by Lena.

"Oh my god, No, no, no. Not Annie." He says out loud as he checks for a pulse.

Auggie leaps into action as he realizes Annie Walker is lying on the floor of his hotel room without a pulse. All his training, survival knowledge, and instincts take over as he understands what has just happened. He immediately clears clothing, debris, and furniture from around the space where Annie is, then maneuvers Annie's limp body out into the cleared area so that he can perform CPR properly. Laying her down gently he checks for a pulse again and then for breathing. He gets a negative on both.

His mind is spinning at what has happened. Annie had come for him. She had found him. And he repaid her, showed her his love by what, almost _killing_ her. He can't admit to himself that she might already be gone. Not Annie.

He make sure her airway is clear and administers two one-second long rescue breaths making sure to feel her chest rise as he does so, then begins chest compressions. After 30 compressions he checks for a pulse and breathing, when none are found he begins the process of giving breaths and chest compressions again. He continues this cycle for 15 minutes without any progress, but he couldn't just give up. This was Annie: his friend, his best friend, and maybe even his one true love. He breathes into her body with as much force as he can. He gives it all he has with each set of compressions, not caring when he hears the _crack_ of her ribs as they snap under the pressure he exerts on them.

The process is tedious and overwhelming. He feels like he wastes precious seconds between each set of breaths and compressions just finding his way around her body without sight. Tilting her head back slightly to give her breaths reminds him of how tender and sweet her kisses used to be when they were together. Since Natasha had left he had often thought about Annie. He often thought about whether they could be together again.

After at least 30 minutes of the repeated CPR process, Auggie is completely drenched in sweat, exhausted, and defeated. He has been leaning on his knees as he performed CPR and now his whole body aches. There is no sign of life in Annie at all. No heartbeat, no pulse, no breathing, no movement. He knows he was too late. He knows she is gone. He has no other choice, but to call in a cleaning crew to help him remove all evidence of their presence there and help him get Annie home-even if it was in a body bag.

As he lifts himself off the floor, he feels numb. Numb to everything. He can't feel anything right now. He understands what has just happened. He knows the consequences. But he also knows protocol and it dictates that he not get wrapped up in the emotions of it all until procedure is complete.

He picks up Annie's body. Her head falls unresponsively against his chest. She feels weightless in his arms. He slowly moves through the room cradling her in his arms. Once his toes reach the bed, he lays her down gently.

"I'm so sorry Annie. I never would have hurt you if I'd known it was you. Damnit why didn't you say something?" He says to her. He hangs his head. "Why didn't I let you say something?" He corrects himself, knowing she had tried. She had fault hard against him. Now he realizes there had been clues the whole time that it was Annie.

He calls Joan. He doesn't explain everything, just that Annie didn't make it and that he needs a cleaning crew fast. The conversation is short, diplomatic almost. He can't tell her everything. He can't say the words. He can't even think them. He can't admit what he has done. Not yet. Not to her.

He quickly begins to search for anything there that he will need later. His laptop, watch, wallet, and cane were the first things he needs to find. He knows the state of the room is horrible. He knows he needs to stay focused to find the items he desperately has to have. He leaves Annie on the bed. Every few minutes he makes his way back over to her, just to check if by some miracle she has come back on her own. Of course, there is no such miracle. He has caused this. He now has to live with the consequences. Somehow.

 **Author's Note: Sorry it's so short. I hope you're still with me here. Please review to let me know.**


	4. Ziiiiip

**Consequences**

"Ziiiiip"

 **Author's Note: I would like to give a HUGE thank you to Finlauré13 for helping me with this story. I'd also like to make another shout out to the awesome obedientlittlevictor for inspiring this story when she wrote "Complicated". If you have not read it, well, what are you waiting for? You clearly like this one, since you're still reading it, you'll like hers as well, I promise. No copyright infringement intended.**

He finds the items he needs, plus some clothes, and his suitcase to put everything in. He does one more search of the room to make sure there are no items that can identify him. The cleaning crew will be here any minute. They will help him with getting Annie out inconspicuously. _No one stationed in France will know who she is or_ _was_ _._ Auggie thinks to himself.

As he sits next to Annie's body, he reminisces about their time together. She is much more- _was much more_ than just a friend. She was his whole world. He can't help but become lost in his thoughts of his journey with Natasha and how much of it was spent thinking of Annie.

Thinking back to the night in Annie's apartment:

He had wanted her to ask him to stay with her. When he asked what would make her happy. He had wanted her to say it would be him. But he wouldn't tell her the same. He wanted her to be happy and if that meant she was with McQuaid, then so be it. So he lied to her. He told her he would be happy with Natasha, that that was his choice-what he wanted. He thought at the time it was what was best for both of them.

He'd even refused to let himself call her. He thought then that a clean break was best for them. So he'd gone to be with Natasha, travelled with her. They'd even had fun for a while. But it didn't last. He thought they could have some resemblance of happiness together. But she couldn't deal with his blindness. To her it was a disability. To her it limited him. To her it limited what _she_ could and couldn't do. Neither of them could truly be happy. So Natasha left.

He thinks back with anger at how Natasha left him:

Natasha had planned everything the night before leaving. She kept him up late drinking, knowing this would mess with his sleep cycle in more way than just one. Later he would also suspect she put something in his drink to make him sleep longer as well, but he had no way to prove that. She left in the middle of the night, shutting off his phone and removing its battery, putting it under the bathroom sink-effectively making sure his alarm would not go off. She also took out the battery out of his computer and hid it in the closet. She made sure she couldn't be traced and made doubly sure her blind ex-boyfriend would not have any means of locating her.

When he woke on his own the next morning to find her gone, at first he was not alarmed, he thought she'd just gone out for a bit of breakfast or something. He had waited in bed for her- until he checked his watch to discover it was 3 o'clock in the afternoon and both his phone and computer were effectively disabled for him. He had been furious. He had searched the room over for the missing parts to his phone and computer. This was when much of the damage to the room (and himself) occurred. He couldn't believe Natasha had taken such advantage of his blindness like that. At the time, he had thought, _Annie would never do this to me._

Auggie allows himself those few moments to remember, and then shakes the thoughts from him mind. She will just be a body to send home to the cleaning crew and right now that's what he needs to think of her as-just someone to get home safely.

* * *

The cleaning crew comes, and Auggie explains, leaving out one major detail: that Annie had been attacked and killed. He explains that he needs safe passage for both of them back to DC as soon as possible. They promise that they will have the place cleaned of all evidence of a struggle and even their presence there in just a few hours.

As they work removing fingerprints, patching and repainting walls, removing broken objects, and picking up trash, Auggie sits next to Annie on the bed. He places her head gently on his lap and gently caresses her hairline. It's as if she is sleeping. Auggie doesn't remind himself that she isn't " _just sleeping"._ He forces himself to remove his thoughts from the situation. He can't think about it right now. He won't allow the emotions to take him away just yet. He sits there listening to the three men as they fixed his mistake. The mistake he has not owned up to yet.

He listens carefully to their work making notes in his head about the smells of fresh paint and plaster, cleaning chemicals, and moldy garbage around the room. He hears the sounds of broken glass _trickling_ together as it is put into a trash bag, the gentle _clank_ of various object being placed upright on tables and the _varoom_ of a vacuum cleaner.

When they are finished, the three men walk over to where Auggie is sitting.

"Sir, we're finished. If you'll move just a bit we will get the girl." The nameless, faceless voice sounds robotic to Auggie. Of course, he knows they don't know him or her. They are just there on orders to clean the site as if nothing has happened there, as if neither Annie nor Auggie had never been there. The CIA was very good as just making things disappear. As he emotionlessly moves Annie's head and stands up, he feels the men move passed him. He once again smells the tangy aroma of her perfume as they lift her body from where it had rested. _Ziiiiiiiip_ he hears the final closure of the body bag.

He grabs his things, take out his cane and follow close behind the gurney they have brought with them to make everything look legit. He knows they are dressed in paramedics clothing and driving an ambulance to make everything seem real to any onlookers. As he gets into the back of the vehicle with the "paramedics", he knows that they will not be going to a hospital, but instead to the extraction point.

Once safe on the cargo plane with Annie, he knows that his life had once again taken an extraordinary turn for the worse. This time, however, he isn't sure that he will be able to face the consequences of the events as he had been able to when he came back from Iraq. This time was different. This time he is to blame for the horrible turn of events. He isn't sure he will be able to face the consequences. For, he, Auggie Anderson, is solely responsibility for Annie Walker's death.

 **Author's Note: *hides under the desk* Please don't come after me. Yes, Annie is dead. Now Auggie has to deal with the consequences.**


	5. Clank

**Author's Note: I'm BACK! Here writing again for your reading and hopefully reviewing pleasure. Warning, this is depressing. It just is. The whole story is. I don't recommend you keep reading this story if you're hoping for a happy ending, there isn't likely to be one. On that note, please enjoy (well, as much as one can enjoy such a deeply depressing topic).**

Chapter 4

"Clank"

Auggie sat in the back of the cargo plane next to the body bag that held the love of his life.

It hit him that he was just not realizing this, just now, when she was gone. It really is true sometimes, "You never know how much you will miss something until it is gone." He had experienced this heavily when he lost his sight. He hadn't known then that there would be something he would lose much more important. He was going to have to experience this loss all over again. But could he get through it? This seemed like it would be so much harder. He loved her. He knew she loved him. They were perfect for each other-until he ended it in the most final way.

With Natasha, nothing had been easy. Nothing was as it should be. Not before. Not after. He had been holding on to the past. She represented a different version of him—a version he rarely thought about with Annie. A version of himself that she had never known. But that Tash couldn't let go of. It had mattered to her. He was never able show Tash that he was still worth her love, even without sight. But he never had to convince Annie of anything. She loved him unconditionally.

Now as he sat at the back of the cargo plane next to Annie's cold body, he rest his head on the plane's wall. Feeling the vibrations of the plane, he closed his eyes and concentrated on his breathing. Closing his eyes did nothing for his vision, but it did prepare his body for relaxation. It allowed him to concentrate on just himself. Just his own body. Not the sounds of the whirling engines, the gentle _clank_ of whatever was held in the cargo area, or of the stillness beside him-the stillness that should be talking to him, breathing next to him, simply being with him. He couldn't block out his awareness of these things completely, but he could force himself to concentrate on just his own breathing. In. And out. In. And out. The breaths were shallow and quick at first, as he was simply forcing it. But, then the breaths became deeper, slower, more cleansing.

He sat like this for hours. Just concentrating on himself. Willing himself not to think about Annie. It was more difficult than he imagined it would be. Since going blind, he'd found it easy to forget things he couldn't see. But with Annie, it was different. She was a part of him. A big part of him that was now dead. He couldn't separate himself from thoughts of her.

As he sat there, willing himself to not panic, he knew he had to face Joan the moment the plane landed. She would have questions. Questions he wasn't sure he was prepared for. "How had this happened?" he knew would be the first question she asked. Should he lie? Should he make up a story to keep himself out of trouble? What consequences would he be facing if he told the truth? As the questions pelted him over and over, he felt himself starting to panic.

His mind began to swim with scenarios, none of them ending well. He knew he couldn't lie. He wasn't the type to lie. Especially to Joan. Joan would know and if she didn't know, she _would_ find out. The truth was best. Whatever consequences came-came. He deserves it. Prison time was the least of his worries. He knew this would mean complete solitude. He knew disabled prisoners did not have the same rights as others. He would be left to his darkness, completely alone. That is if Joan sought criminal actions against him. That would be the least she could do. If everything was held within the C.I.A, well, that would be much worse. Everyone at the DPD would know about it. Could he face his colleagues again? What's worse, could he face not going back there? Would he be welcome back into the folds after this?

He'd left without the intention of coming back. He'd left to be with Natasha, but now that was over. But what was next. What could he do if he didn't work for the CIA? If he did go back there, would they accept a killer amongst them? Of course, he thought smugly, they were all killers. They all killed. But that was different, they killed terrorists, gun runners, criminals. Was he any better than them now?

The questions wouldn't stop now. Nothing was going as it should have. This whole mess could have been prevented, completely avoided he thought to himself. If he'd only taken a nano second to think, observe, smell, or feel-something-anything. He'd have known it was her, right? If he'd just taken a moment.

He shook his head to clear it as he heard someone talking. "You okay?" someone asked putting a hand on his shoulder-one of the pilots no doubt.

"What?" Auggie asked, realizing the man must have been talking to him long before he heard him. The arm lifted off his shoulder as the man spoke again.

"I was asking if you need anything. You seem a bit distraught back here. Are you okay?" The deep voice asked.

"Well, no, I'm not okay. But I don't need anything. There's nothing you can give me that would help." Auggie answered quietly not bothering to direct his words to the man.

"Well, we'll be landing in a few hours. If you need anything, just call out and one of us will come back here. I wouldn't try to maneuver back here by yourself, no one told us our passenger would be blind. There's a lot to trip over back here. Sorry for the inconvenience." He heard it. He heard the pity in the man's voice. It didn't matter to him anymore.

"It's okay man. We needed out and you got us out." Auggie said a tilting his head up towards the man.

"Yeah, well, I'm sorry about your friend. We see too many of these going home like this." The pilot said grimly.

"Yeah. I just came home in the dark when I came home." He replied leaning his head against the cool plane wall.

"I'm sorry man."

"It was years ago. Time passed. It's all I've known for years now. You adjust." Auggie said without emotion.

"Yeah. Well, I better get back up to the cockpit."

"Thanks" Auggie said not sure if the man was already gone or not.

Auggie went back to his thoughts. It's all he had. Thoughts of what had happened. Thoughts of Annie. Thoughts of what was to come. He tried to keep the panic down. But he felt it forming a tight ball in the pit of his stomach.

Three hours later, the plane began its decent. Time to face the music.


	6. Tap Tap

**Author's Note: Disclaimer-I don't own Covert Affairs or its characters.**

Chapter 5

"Tap Tap"

Auggie didn't know what to expect from Joan. After getting off the plane, the pilots brought his bags and Annie's body from the plane. He felt awkward just standing there waiting for someone to tell him what to do, but in times like this, that's really all he could do.

Once Joan arrived things got even more awkward, however. Joan didn't say anything to Auggie at first. She walked past him and directly to the body bag that was laid out on a stretcher. She held her breath as she unzipped the bag, praying that somehow Auggie had been wrong about identifying Annie as the person who had died. She'd been hoping the whole way here that he had somehow been wrong. She'd actually been assuming he had been mistaken-that not being able to see the person, meant he had misidentified Annie as the person who had died. She knew it was unlikely as they had not heard from Annie at all since she said she thought she had found where he was. Now, as she stood staring into the face of one of her best agents, she couldn't believe she was really dead. She felt her stomach retract instantly.

For the first time, she looked at Auggie. She hadn't seen him in several months. He looked so different to her now. So disheveled and unkempt, not the professional tech guru she knew just a few months ago. That Auggie seemed long abandoned, replaced with this imposter. She couldn't imagine what he was going through right now. Annie was incredibly important to him. She wasn't sure how he was possibly keeping it together at all.

"Auggie are you okay?" she asked, knowing he wasn't. He stood waiting for her, hands over his cane, leaning slightly forward against it. He looked like he hadn't shaved in days, his clothes were wrinkled and mismatched, and his hair stood in all directions. It had been years since she had seen him look so awful.

"No, Joan, I'm not. Annie is dead and it's all my fault," he said, purposely not exaggerating on what he meant by the statement.

Joan didn't question him on his statement, assuming he just meant that she was looking for him when she was killed.

"Let's get her home," Joan said tapping his hand with her own. She saw his hesitation as he seemed to reluctantly take her lead, but didn't question it. As they began walking together towards where Joan had parked, he let himself become lost in the _tap tap_ rhythm of his cane. He desperately wanted to will himself to wake, to end this nightmare that now was his life.

In the car, Auggie sat silently, trapped in the thoughts from which he wanted to escape from, but couldn't. How was he supposed to live with what he had done? Worse, how was he supposed to live with no one knowing, the guilt eating at him. He'd killed the person most important to him in the world. He knew there would be no real investigation into it, at least not outside of the agency.

So far Joan didn't suspect him at all. Surely she had seen the evidence, though. Annie had fought hard, but he'd been stronger. Even in his weakened drunken state, she hadn't been a match for him. He knew there would be bruises around her neck, bruises from his hands. He might even have defensive marks on him, he really wasn't sure. He shuddered as he remembered feeling the life leave her. Not knowing then that it was Annie. Not caring at the time who it was that he felt threatened by, just knowing that he had to feel superior to them. He'd felt the primal need to survive over them. Now he didn't really remember what had made him feel so unsafe.

"Auggie, you know we have to talk about what happened as soon as we get to Langley, right? You'll have to give your statement on what happened, how you came to find Annie and how she died, you'll have to take a polygraph, the whole nine-yards," Joan said suddenly, bringing Auggie back to the horrible reality.

"I know," he said, sighing. "Joan, I need to tell you first. Can we stop somewhere and talk, you're not going to want to be driving when I tell you."

"Auggie, can't it wait? We're following the ambulance the cleaning crew is using to take Annie's body to the medical examiner. I want to make sure she gets to where she's supposed to be without incident," Joan said sadly.

"Joan, I really think you'll want to hear what I have to say," Auggie said firmly. As much as he also wanted to stay with Annie and not distance them from her, he also knew he didn't want Joan to find out any other way about what had really happened. He knew he could lie well enough to fool a polygraph, he'd done it before, but this seemed too important to lie about.

"Okay, but this better be good," Joan said.

"Trust me, it's not," he said seriously.

Joan reluctantly called the cleaning crew operatives to let them know she was taking a detour, but to continue on without her escorting them. Their job was to get Annie to the medical examiner without problem. If a problem should occur, she was to be called immediately. Annie Walker was supposed to already be dead, so this was a very delicate situation that had to be handled precisely. Usually, they would use their best tech operative to fake records, by pass certain procedures, and make it look like this body was the body of someone else, but her best tech asset was sitting next to her-a complete and utter mess. She'd called Barber to take care of it all. She knew he would be discreet, at least she warned him of the consequences if he wasn't.

As they pulled into a café, Joan got out of the car. It was late afternoon by now, so there were few other patrons there. Joan waited for Auggie to orient himself after getting out of the car. She offered her arm as a guide as they headed into the small café. Leading them to a booth at the back of the restaurant, they each ordered beverages.

"I'll be right back with your drink orders," the waitress told them kindly.

As the waitress left, Auggie explored the table in front of him with his hands and found the cutlery to his right. He unrolled the napkin containing the silverware and began fidgeting with the napkin after placing the silverware neatly to the side out of his way. Joan found his nervousness to be quite unnerving.

"Thank you. We'll be holding off on ordering anything else for now," Auggie told the waitress when she returned with their drinks. "We will let you know if we need anything. For now, if it's okay, we'd like as much privacy as we can have," he said turning in her direction.

"No problem, Hun. Just signal when you're ready to order," she told him, obviously smitten with him, as most women were.

"Okay, Auggie, what's this all about?" Joan said as they nurse left.

"Are we alone?" Auggie asked.

"As alone as we can be. No one is within ten feet of us," Joan told him, knowing this was the kind of specific information he was seeking.

"Joan. I told you earlier that it was all my fault that Annie is dead. I don't think you understood what I meant when I said that," he began.

"Auggie, I understood you just fine, you shouldn't feel guilty for her being killed while she searched for you," she said, thinking she was continuing his thought.

"No Joan. I mean-" He paused, unsure if he could say the words.

"What do you mean, Auggie?" she asked, growing a little impatient with him.

"Joan, I mean, I killed her," he said bluntly, and then just to make sure there was no confusion, he added, "with my bare hands. I killed Annie."

Auggie heard a soft gasp escape his boss, but nothing else. He wasn't sure what to do now. For several minutes neither of them spoke.

"Joan, are you still there?" he said after what seemed like an eternity, afraid to reach out towards her. He added, "I can't see you and since you're not making a sound, I'm honestly not sure."

"I am," she said much more calmly than he expected after what he had just told him. "How?" she asked after a long pause.

"How what?" Auggie asked, confused. Sometimes he absolutely hated being blind, but this might rank in the top five reasons he hated it-never being able to read people's facial expressions and body language anymore.

"How did it happen?" she clarified, telling him she wanted to know exactly how Annie had been killed.

"She found me in a hotel in France. She pretended to be the room service provider when I ordered something. She came in, spoke perfect French-of course, and I didn't pick up on it being her. I thought she had left, until I sensed someone in the room with me. I just reacted. I didn't think, Joan." He dipped his head in shame. "Joan, if I had just thought for a second, let my senses take her in at all, I would have known." He let out a little sob and covered his face with his hands. She waited, expecting him to tell her the full story. He knew she would expect nothing less than the full and complete truth.

He continued. "She fought hard, but there was no way for her to fight me off when I was in that state of mind. I immediately went for her throat. Joan, I choked her. I felt the life leave her and I kept my hold on her, wanting to make sure whoever was after me was not getting a second chance. Joan, in that moment, I wanted this person dead. I honestly didn't know who it was. I know that isn't an excuse. I know my blindness isn't an excuse here. I never suspected for a moment that it could be Annie. All my training, my most basic survival instincts, took over. There is no excuse. I killed her. I murdered Annie," he said softly through the tears that fell from his unseeing eyes.


	7. Ahem

**Author's Note: I know it's been a long while since I've updated any of my stories, my sincerest apologies. I think I'm back though! I've had a rough few months and basically stopped writing altogether, but hopefully the dry spell is over. I hope I still have some readers out there. Give me a shout out if I do! This story will only have one, maybe two more chapters before it is "complete", but other stories will be ongoing. Without further ado, I give you the next chapter. Oh, yeah, I don't own Covert Affairs or its characters, just my own imagination and where it takes our beloved characters.**

Chapter 6

"Ahem"

Joan just sat there for what seemed like an eternity. Auggie knew she was still there, despite not being able to see her, he had not heard any indication that she had left. The noises of the kitchen, conversations of other patrons, and his own breathing did not distract him from focusing completely on Joan. Her breathing was silent and her movements were slight, if any were made at all. The agony of the time that passed, not being able to see Joan's face to know what reaction she was having to the revelation he had just revealed, knowing she had heard him, but having no idea the response until she spoke, was torturous.

He knew she would be having all kinds of emotions at this news. Anybody would, but exactly what that was, currently was lost on him. He could not see the silent tears that fell from her cheeks or her mouth held open in despair as realization washed over her about what had truly happened between Auggie and Annie in France. He'd never know the complete shocked state she was in for several minutes following what he had told her. Quickly though, she regained her composure and cleared her throat.

" _Ahem_." She cleared her throat again as if trying to signal to Auggie something as she sat across from him.

"Auggie, this is not the place to be having this conversation," she told him through gritted teeth as she was suddenly standing over him seconds later. "Let's go," she said, tapping his arm with the back of her hand.

Slightly shocked, Auggie stood, pulling out his wallet to pay for his beverage.

"I paid, let's go," Joan said, more authoritatively than before.

He felt the bench and grabbed his cane before taking her arm and walking out with her.

Once they were back to Joan's car, she placed his hand on the door of the car and walked around the car as he got into it.

As she started the car, Auggie briefly wondered where they might be going, but he didn't dare ask. He wasn't in the position to be asking for any favors right now, even as simple as knowing where they were going. He felt he didn't deserve to know at this point. He was certain she would not be taking him to a firing squad, which at this point he felt was well deserved.

They drove for forty-five minutes before the road changed into a gravel road. Auggie had expected they would be heading toward her house or to the CIA headquarters at Langley, but neither of those places required one to travel on gravel to his knowledge.

As the car stopped, Auggie wasn't sure what to do. He did the only thing he could do-waited for instructions.

"We're here," Joan said simply, not elaborating as they both knew he needed her to do.

He hesitated before opening the car door, completely unsure where they were or what he might be stepping into once he exited the car.

Once out of the car, he followed the car's body to the front of the car and waited for Joan.

"This is one of my safe houses. Not even Arthur knows about it and honestly, if you could identify its location or describe it to someone, I wouldn't have brought you here. There is no technology at all here and you won't have cell service. It's completely off the grid and self-sufficient. We'll go in and you can tell me again what happened, not leaving out a single detail," she said as she tapped the back of his hand with hers.

He wanted to tell her right then that he didn't really leave any details out the first time, but he decided it might be best just to do as she asked of him. Finding her arm, he followed her up the stone stairs, across the wide porch, and stopped as she stopped, presumably at the front door.

"I know that knowing where you are is important to you Auggie, but it this case, it's important to me that you not know. For that reason, I'm going to ask that you don't try to explore this place. If you need something just ask," Joan told him firmly.

"Okay, I understand" Auggie said simply, unsure how else to reply. He tried to shut off his mind and not take in his surroundings as they entered the home. Of course, this wasn't actually possible. His hearing was always working overtime for him, telling him information about echoes in the room, dimensions of the space around him, how high the ceiling might be, and vague ideas of where furnishings were. But he did his best to not allow himself to think about these details too hard.

They walked briefly in the home before Auggie's hand was placed on the back of a chair. He explored the chair for a moment and deduced that it was a basic dining room chair, nothing spectacular about it at all. Folding his cane, he sat down in the chair and put his hands out on the table in front of him. Resisting the urge to explore his surroundings, he folded his hands in front of him as he heard Joan take a seat in front of him.

"Okay, Auggie, start from the beginning, from the moment you left the CIA to right now, don't leave a single detail out. I'll be recording this conversation, just so you're aware," she said as he heard the beep of a recording beginning.

He did exactly as he was asked. He told her of the places he and Natasha had went, the arguments and disagreements they'd had, even telling her the times they had had sex and the time she had left him in an unfamiliar place without his phone and not come back for hours. Next he told her about them deciding to go separate ways, or at least, Natasha deciding that they should go different ways in the letter she had left him. He told her about the time he had spent afterwards binge drinking and simply not taking care of himself or the hotel room he had been staying in. Finally, he got to the part Annie came in. He spoke more slowly and even more detailed throughout this part of the story. Telling Joan of all of the sound and smells he had taken in during their fight and of course, the fateful smell when he realized who he was fighting. Throughout the soliloquy, Joan did not say a single word or make any sounds to indicate to him that she was paying attention at all to what he had to say.

He felt so exposed in that instance, completely vulnerable to whatever she had in store for him. It was times like this he missed his sight most. Times when he was talking seriously about something with someone and he had no way of knowing their reaction until they spoke. He knew body language and facial expressions were important means of communicating messages, but he simply missed all of this due to his blindness.

As he was finishing up explaining how he had called in the cleaners to help him get Annie and himself out of France, told her about the flight over, and the anxiety he had felt when she had been examining Annie's body. He admitted to her that he had been praying in that moment that he had somehow been wrong about it being Annie at all. He knew that wasn't the case in his gut, but he couldn't help, but make the wish anyway.

When he was finally finished, he heard the beeping sound again, seemingly indicating that the recording was complete.

"Auggie, do you have any idea what all of this means?" Joan asked, finally breaking the silence that had fallen between them.

"It means Annie is dead and I have to live with the consequences that comes with the fact that I am the one who killed her," he said solemnly.

"No, it means that Annie Walker is really dead this time, and there's no one that can know about it outside of this room. Not even Calder needs to know. We buried Annie Walker three years ago, while those within the CIA have known she was alive, no one outside of our circle knew. Not her family or old friends, no one. Do you understand that you cannot speak of this to anyone, not ever?"

"Joan, what happens to me?" Auggie asked, fully aware there would have to be consequences for his actions.

"Auggie, there's nothing I can do to you. You killed a woman that's been legally dead for years. No judge would touch that case with a ten foot pole, especially since Annie's fake death and existence afterwards were all official CIA business. All I can say is that you'll have to live with it. Live with the knowledge that you killed one of, if not the, most important person in your life. You'll have to choose your own punishment and inflict it on yourself. I can't do anything. I'll of course mark that there is a top secret black mark on your permanent record, but no one but you and I will know why it is there and what it means. I won't even tell Author." Joan told him, completely emotionless.

"Joan, how do I live with this? How do I get back to any kind of normal life knowing what I've done?" Auggie asked.

"Auggie, I don't know. I really don't. I do not envy the burden you now have to bear. The fact that there will be no _real_ consequences for you will not make it any better, I know. But my hands are tied. I can't send you to prison for a crime we can't admit occurred and honestly, Auggie, that's the last place I want to see you in. I know this will be hard on you, but you've been through harder."

"Joan, I don't know if I can just _live with_ this. I loved her. And Joan, I _murdered_ her. I felt the life leave her body. Joan, I don't know if I want to live knowing that she isn't somewhere out there; before, at least I had that. Even when we weren't getting along, when she went dark, when she was off on a mission for someone else—all those times, I had the satisfaction of knowing she was _somewhere_. Throughout all the close calls she's been through, she has always pulled through, she's always come back home to me," he said as he hung his head in utter defeat.

This conversation was not going at all as he had expected it to. He, of course, knew that Annie was technically already dead. He had called her sister to give her the news, he had attended her funeral, and even taken flowers to her grave from time to time to keep up the façade, but now that she really was dead, now that he would never be able to hold her, inhale her sweet perfume, or hear her sexy voice—now that none of that could ever happen again, he just didn't know that life was worth living.


	8. Click Clack

**Author's note: Greetings friends! I'm back and I'm writing again! It's been a while since I wrote anything with my fanfiction, but I hope it works for everyone. I haven't decided yet, but I'm almost positive this will be the final chapter for this story. Please consider reviewing and letting me know what you think.**

Chapter Seven

"Click-Clank"

"Welcome back Auggie," Eric Barber told him the moment he stepped into the Domestic Protection Division.

Auggie had reluctantly accepted his old job back as the head of tech ops. Calder Michaels was leading the division now. Calder didn't know anything about Annie's death outside of the fact that she was indeed officially dead. Joan had sealed the file so that no one except those with the highest security clearance could read them and even then, it gave no mention of Paris, Auggie, or even the correct date she died.

But Auggie knew the truth, and now he had to live with it. He had to live with the fact that he killed the most important person in his life.

"Thanks Eric. It is good to be back. Have there been any changes around here since I've been gone?" Auggie asked as they walked to toward their office. As they walked, numerous people welcomed him back. The smile plastered on his face began to make him feel a little dishonest, but that was the job.

"We rearrange the office a bit when we received some new equipment, but if you'd prefer we can move everything back to where it was when you worked here before," Eric told him. He honestly had not expected to ever be working with Auggie again, he would move mountains for Auggie if he could and he knew it was easier for Auggie for things to remain unchanged.

"As long as there are no cords going through the middle of the room, I can relearn the space. It's not a big deal," Auggie told his friend. Truthfully, he did prefer the office be as he had once knew it to be, but he really didn't want to make everyone move everything around just for him.

"We have quite a few big cases going right now that we could really use your expertise on," Eric told Auggie as they got to the office. "Here we are man. I guess I should let you get reacquainted with the space. Let me know if you need to know where anything is or what's located in a particular spot."

"Thanks Barker," Auggie told him. He was grateful that Eric knew to let him explore the space alone, at least for now. He would, of course, have questions later and he would need help with things here and there, but not having people all over him was exactly what he needed to allow him to become reacquainted with his work space.

A few hours later, Auggie once again had a mental picture of the office. It was quite a bit different than what it had been, but it was workable. He knew the number of steps between workstations and knew where his desk was and the placement of everything on it. Now, he just needed some work to do.

He sat sifting through the countless emails that had piled up over his time away. He had Mingus playing through his headphone, but he could still hear the murmurings of those passing by the office. He couldn't actually make out any of the conversations, but he didn't need to. He knew what they were speculating about—Him.

It was over the hum of chatter, that he heard it.

 _Click clank, click clank_

The sound was so distinct, he only knew one person who made that sound so precisely. He slowly pulled his headphones around his neck and listened closer. He knew it couldn't be, but that cadence was so familiar to him, he would swear it was an exact match. He had heard it in his dreams and it has also haunted his nightmares.

But now he heard it here- in real life. The door to his office slid open and the scent of grapefruits filled the air. This heart began to pound. The familiar sound of heels walked into his space. He tried to school his features. He knew it couldn't really be her, his mind was playing tricks on him. He knew it couldn't be who he wanted it to be.

"What's the matter?" an unfamiliar southern accent asked. "You look like you've just seen a ghost."

He sat for a few seconds longer, just blankly staring, which of course was what he typically appeared to be doing, but in the moment, his mind could focus on nothing except the sound of the heels now in his office.

"Ummm, okay, how does this work? I was told you were the best handler I could get, but right now you seem newer than I am." She bluntly told him.

"Sorry. I'm Auggie. You must be Patricia Yearwood. I have an email here from Joan that you'd be coming by around-

"Now, that I'd be coming by now. I expected you to be-I don't know, better at this. You're a bit of a legend around here, but I also know you've been gone for a while. If you need some time to settle in, I can request a different handler." She interrupted him.

"No, Patricia, it's fine. Let's get-"

"Pattie" She interrupted him again.

"Excuse me?" He asked.

"My friends call me Pattie."

 _Great,_ Auggie thought to himself. _This women sounds like Annie, smells like Annie, and now her name even sounds like Annie. Joan must be killing herself laughing right now._

"Great, Pattie, let's get started. You'll have to forgive me, since I've been gone they've moved my equipment around a bit and I'm still not quite used to it. They also forgot to print me a braille copy of your file, so I'll have to read through it on the computer."

"So wait, you're actually blind?" the woman scoffed. "I thought someone was playing on joke on the new girl when they told me that."

Auggie pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed slowly.

"Yes, I'm actually blind." Auggie told her trying not to grit his teeth.

"Like totally blind? Or are you one of those people who still has some sight, but calls yourself blind."

Auggie took a moment to digest what she was really asking. It was times like this that he hated being blind. He couldn't be sure if she was serious or joking. Work had always been the one place he didn't have to explain himself, everyone just knew him and accepted him, but things had changed while he was gone. Was it going to be like he was starting over again?

He decided to take the question calmly, "Yes, I'm totally blind. No colors, shapes, swirls, or light. Nothing. And before you ask, I know where you are based on where I hear your voice coming from in the room, my computer reads emails and other things from the screen, and I read braille instead of printed materials."

"Oh, so they weren't messing with me. How are you able to help on missions if you can't see?" She asked.

Auggie sighed once again. Never before had anyone questioned his ability to do his job. Any operative just knew he would be there whenever they needed him. They didn't question his skills. But then again, Pattie had never seen those skills. He knew now that he would be proving himself to her as much as she would be proving herself to him.

"I used to be in the field myself be—

"A blind field operative?" She interrupted skeptically.

"Okay, you've got to stop interrupting me like that." He told her. Then paused, waiting to see if she had anything to add. "Can I please talk now?" He asked beyond annoyed with her.

"Sorry." She said, but sounded anything but. "Go on."

"I wasn't born blind. It happened seven years ago on a mission in the field. I'm _very_ good at my job and none of the operatives I've ever worked with has asked for a different handler. However, by all means, please if you don't think you can work with me, I'm sure Joan will be happy to reassign you to a different handler." Auggie told her sarcastically.

"Oh, I didn't know." She said softly.

"Don't go feeling sorry for me. Are we working together or not? Makes no difference to me. I have a tech division to run as well as other operatives in the field." Auggie said nonchalant. He really could care less about working with this women. In fact, he absolutely preferred to not work with her.

"Let's give it a trail run with this mission to New Jersey. Joan told me I would be observing and possibly meeting with a potential asset there. Seems pretty basic," Pattie told him.

Auggie was highly put off by this women. But something was very strange about her. It unnerved him how much she was like her, but also how completely different she was at the same time.

"Could you do me a favor?" Auggie asked as he heard her take a few steps toward the door.

"What is it?" she asked impatiently.

"Could you not wear that perfume please? I'm allergic to grapefruit and the odor is giving me a headache from here." He partially lied.

"Oh, ummm, yeah, I guess I can find another perfume," she stammered, surprised he even noticed her perfume.

"Thanks, I'd appreciate it. Come back in an hour and I'll have your tech ready for the mission." He told her dismissively and put his headphone back over his ears to signal he was done with her.

He couldn't believe it. Of all the woman in the world. Of all the operatives applying to the agency. Of course, Joan would find the one woman that matched his image of Annie to a perfect T. He didn't have any clue what she looked like. But he also never knew for sure what Annie looked like. His view of her was all tactile, auditory, and olfactory based. He'd never seen her with his eyes. But he knew without a doubt that she was the most beautiful woman in the world. At least, she had been. Now she wasn't. Now she wasn't in his world. She was only in his dreams. He could only see her now in his dreams. In his dreams and in his memories.

As impossible as it sounded, he couldn't let on to Joan that this Pattie had any effect on him. He couldn't let her know that she got to him. That this woman reminded him of Annie at all. He would work with her. He would never say a word to Joan that it bothered him. He wouldn't let his imagination get the better of him. Annie was gone. He alone had to silently endure the consequences of her being gone.


End file.
